emerson biggins

This has been a surprisingly shitty week. I should probably start by saying that iapos;ve been suffering from insomnia for over three weeks, i can only sleep for 8-14 minutes (usually wait all night to fall asleep and when i do my alarm goes off and i have to get up to go to uni).

long story short, my a.c. Stopped working except at night, my heater apparently set itself on fire or something and doesnapos;t work, i cant eat except for twice a week.. And that made me gain A LOT more weight than my usual eating every day habit.

i spent my entire weekend cramming for my midterm on sunday, didnt even get to start studying for the one on monday (which is way harder/requires more time and effort). I figured it would be easier to finish but it was so goddamn boring that i would do anything just so i wouldnt have to study.

so last night i drank an energy drink assuming that it would help me study.. It didnt. It made me fall asleep for 8 hours. I woke up wondering why i cant recall what happened last night, then went back to sleep, woke up around 3 pm realizing that i barely studied and attempted to finish because we were supposedly going out in an hour.

we had plans to go out today, plans that i have been waiting for all week. So i was sitting with my family at lunch -something i rarely do since starting university-. And my dad casually walks in and says he thinks heapos;s having a heart attack. While he sits there, picking threads of his clothes, my mom starts panicking and calling his doctor and telling me to call my brother/driver/etc. So they go to the hospital and im left at home with my sister. And we werenapos;t going out.

after a bunch of tests, he apparently wasnt having a heart attack but both my parents are staying there just in case. So realizing my parents arent coming home, i stopped studying and baked a cake. Thats how pathetic my life is right now. I finished a few chapters then got ready go to the hospital, stayed there for a couple of hours. After that we made my brother take us to mcdonalds because weapos;re obviously not going to have dinner at home.. Probably a bad idea because after eating fast food i usually get a fever or food poisoning.. Not sure why..

i came home, drank an energy drink and a half, and almost finished studying, eventually i find out that my midterm ISNT tomorrow, its on tuesday and tomorrow the professor is supposedly telling us what to memorize for the midterm.. After i memorized everything?�well that didnt waste my entire effing weekend. And now i cant sleep because of the caffeine.

so now i have to study for my art history midterm.. Which is why im writing this.. I didnt even start on my environmental science project and its due tomorrow. And im sure about that.

i feel like universitys sucking the life out of me, i cant even do anything for apos;funapos; anymore. Its either going out and doing everything at the very last minute or staying at home and have no life. I cant even sit with my family during week days because i either have work to do or try to go to sleep..

but on the plus side, i rewrote my first university essay a few hours before it was due and got 90/100, and my first apos;reportapos; or whatever was 95/100.. Both were less than 100 because they apos;werenapos;t specific enoughapos;. Whatever. Atleast i didnt fail.

i dont remotely give a shit about who reads this. Im tired and canapos;t be bothered to make up another journal.



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How did losing weight affect the appearance of any tattoos that you have? Iapos;m sort of worried mine wonapos;t look the same when I get to my goal and then I might regret my tattoo or have to get work done to it.

I currently have a heart shaped paw print with an 8th note in middle of it. The paw print is colored in but the note isnapos;t So Iapos;m wondering if I lose weight will the 8th note not be visible anymore perhaps? I dunno.

Was just seeing if anyone else is wondering the same thing or has experience any change OR no change at all to their tattoos. :)

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I�freakin wish my family would of never came home yet. Iapos;m so used to having this house to myself that I�HATE it when the rest of my family is here, I rarely ever go do anything with them. But now their home, And everyone is a douche bag to me. Iapos;m trying to keep my cool so I�can stay on the computer though.
Anyways, A few hours ago I�went to northwest plaza with my grandma. She came over to take me to get more minutes on my phone but we ended up not. I�really dont even need a phone, I�dont really have any use for it. Iapos;d much rather have an mp3 player or somthing. Anyways, My grandma is such a crazy little old woman. When we first got there she seen one of her friends, Heapos;s a mail man, They probably go to church together because we stood outside for like 15 minutes while they were talking about some christian movie. Then when we got inside we seen this dad and his 2 kids. My grandma of course had to stop because she seen the little baby. She stopped and played with the baby and blah blah blah. Then we were just walking around, And behind us there was a group of black guys, Well when we walked out of tmobile my grandma heard them say "Look at that red hair" and then another one said "I�would tear that up". My grandma got sooooooooo fucking pissed. She turned around and gave them the apos;death stareapos;. The guys immediatly shut up and walked away. Then we went to sears and she bought me a whole outfit. I�<3 my grandma. However, I�do not like it when she rants on about things that I�dont really care about. Like when she shoves religion down my throat. IM FREAKIN CHRISTIAN ALREADY IS THAT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR U?? Apparently not, She tells me that satan is taking over my body and that the only reason I�quit going to church is because the devil has "caught" me. And that I�have to stop letting the devil take over me. DOOD I HAVE NO "DEVIL" INSIDE ME I�just prefer not to go to church I have gone to church with her before and HATE HATE HATE it. Everyone there thinks their better than me and everyone stares at me. Fuck that dude.. I�hate going to church.. And that dosnt mean that I�fucking hate god. So she needs to chill. She also wants me to get baptised. Oh god. First of all... If I�did get baptised than the water would turn red because of my hair dye.. Then everyone would get mad at me because I�ruined their pool of holy water. Second I JUST DONT WANT TO leave me alone. Jesus christ.
Iapos;ll most likely take some pictures wiith my webcam later, And if leah comes over then weapos;ll probably take some videos. Goodbye now.
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This was kind of inspired by a post I saw in anonymous_qs... But Iapos;d like to word it differently and take a bit of a different spin on it...

What do you think the major differences are between fat acceptance and pro-ana? How does your reaction to a person change based on their size (overweight vs. Underweight; obese vs. Emaciated)? Are you more sympathetic towards someone who is anorexic or someone who is fat? Has fat acceptance changed your view or opinion at all? Do you think that fat acceptance has led us to discriminate against the underweight or even just the thin? Basically, what are your feelings about these two different issues in contrast?
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